Bait

You’ve all heard of Snakes on a Plane, well Bait is Sharks in a Supermarket!

The setup is actually pretty clever. A below street level supermarket on the Australian shoreline gets flooded by the tidal wave that follows an earthquake. The debris blocking the entrance and a twelve foot Great White patrolling the aisles means they can’t leave and the rising water levels and threat of aftershocks and further tsunamis means they can’t stay. Classic “ticking clock” stuff. Throw into the mix a few clichéd characters (Cop, Cops Daughter Gone Bad, Crook, Ex-Lifeguard and his Ex Girlfriend etc – trust me they’re all here, there’s even a Dog) and we’re good to go.

The pre titles sequence is, almost exactly the opening of Cliff Hanger but with a shark standing in (can a shark stand in?) for a very high place. The end result is the same, main character left holding a piece of fabric as someone disappears from their grasp and a change of career beckons. This sequence (and an unnecessary credits stinger) feature some truly awful special effects and I thought I was in for another Asylum/Corman standard shark movie (seriously have you seen Sharknado or Sharktopus!!). However once the tsunami hits (ok effects – seen better but seen much worse too) and we head indoors things take a turn for the better.

Whilst we’re talking effects, there are moments in this where I swear the filmmakers used a real shark. Some of this effect work belongs in a much better film. The same can’t be said for the acting, oh dear. The only face I recognised was Julian McMahon and he’s never managed to impress me yet. Everyone else was new to me and I suspect will stay that way. The acting never really rises above soap opera standard (Sharni Vinson – the Ex Girlfriend did 7 years in Home and Away) but in a movie about sharks in a supermarket, do we really expect Oscar-winning performances? I know I don’t.

The filmmakers also appear to have avoided any obvious Jaws references ( Honestly, when did you last see a movie with a shark in it, where someone didn’t say “we’re gonna need a bigger something”) and for that I applaud them. The sub-plot about the three people trapped in the parking garage (with a second shark)  is equally funny and tense and keeps things moving along at a fair pace.

Originally released in 3D there are a few too many shots of things floating past the camera (plastic bags, swimming goggles, feet etc) and things being thrust at the camera (spears and sharks mainly). If you’re into 3D and watching it that way, then great but if you watch in 2D (like me), then these shots are a little too frequent and to be honest only serve to remind you that you are watching a movie.

Overall I have to admit I liked it. It sits in that small group of good B movies that are good because they’re actually good and not good because they’re so bad.

7 out of 10 (Bait is available now on DVD and well worth the £5 I paid for it)

Finally if you’re an aspiring movie maker you could do worse than to look at this for inspiration. Keep your number of locations to a minimum, keep the cast small, running time lean (Bait is 93 minutes) and use your effects budget wisely (a few good effects always beats a lot of poor ones).

2 Guns

Welcome back to the 80’s. 2 Guns is a real blast from the past and I really do mean a blast.

This is a good old fashioned buddy cop comedy thriller action movie in the vein of Lethal Weapon 2 (3 and 4) and Tango and Cash. Plot is incidental, it’s all about the characters and Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg are in top form. We all know that Denzel is probably the coolest guy in Hollywood and here he proves it once more with his pork pie hat, quick wit and even quicker gun hand. He absolutely shines and breezes through his first comedy role like he’s been doing it all his life. Mark Wahlberg plays the Ying to Denzels Yang. Where Denzel is laid back, Wahlberg is brash. Where Denzel is smooth and charming, Wahlberg is coarse and obvious.

They do inevitably end up working together, despite the protests of Denzels character. The resulting partnership is unorthodox, unpredictable, mis-trusting of each other but surprisingly effective. It really does harken back to the glory years of the eighties, a pair of mismatched individuals are forced together in unlikely circumstances and become a partnership greater than the sum of its parts.

I really miss those days and 2 Guns went a long way to filling a hole that I didn’t even realise was there. I could digress and start banging on again about how great Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is, but you all know that by now. 2 Guns isn’t quite that good but I certainly wouldn’t object to a sequel.

A word here about the villains; Edward James Olmos and Bill Paxton. Both are great (although Paxton is better) and both should be on our screens more. Olmos is presented as this vicious Mexican druglord patriarch who would (and does) take the head from someone he suspects is stealing from him. Then Paxton comes along (as who I won’t say – spoilers) and makes Olmos look like a sweet old Grandpa. Paxtons character is mean, sadistic and full of quotable dialogue. Awesome.

To sum up, this is old school, practical, low budget (everything’s relative), hi-octane entertainment. It is, in a word, FUN.

One of the highlights of the summer so far,

8 out of 10

Mystery Screening

This Monday I shall be attending my first ever mystery screening at my local multiplex.

All I know in advance is that it is a very early preview screening “of a major movie” and that the certificate is 12A.

That means it isn’t World War Z, Riddick or Kick Ass 2 (boo) but it could possibly be The Worlds End (fingers crossed) or Pacific Rim. There is even a rumour passing round that it could be Thor 2 (meh).

I will keep you posted and hopefully put up a review the same night.

“Smoke ’em if you got ’em”

Cineworld War 3D – Part 2

Just a short update on the on going battle with Cineworld and their treatment of their customers. The offending movie this time is Hansel and Gretel.
Despite the almost unanimously terrible reviews, I would still like to go and check it out for myself. However, I, as always wish to see it in good old-fashioned 2d as nature intended (Yes, I know!).

Unfortunately my local world of Cine only has one 2d showing per day. Two thirty in the afternoon. Everyday.

Two thirty! Marvellous, that’s really well thought through.

Here’s an idea Cineworld, how about cycling the 2d performances, so that on at least one day per week, us average working cinephiles can actually see what we want, in the way we want at a time that doesn’t involve using up valuable holiday time.

And yes, I could go at the weekend but that would get in the way of a good rant.

Cineworld. Oi, sort it out.

Cine World War Three D

I am currently engaged in a battle of wills with my local Cineworld multiplex.

It’s a fight I would rather not have as I am extremely fond of them and they allow  me to indulge my passion for movies at an extremely reasonable cost. The Cineworld Unlimited card is a thing of beauty. For fifteen of our English pounds each month I can see as many films as I wish and get fifty per cent off of my Empire magazine subscription to boot. Two trips to the picture palace per month and you’re ahead of the game. Once or more per week and by the time you reach June the rest of the year’s films are effectively free. Bargain!

So why the conflict?

3D.

My local Cineworld has twelve screens and has in the past used them to their fullest by having ten or more (and on one glorious Saturday twenty-three) different films to choose from on a single day.

And then came 3d.

At first this meant that each film would be shown in both formats thus effectively halving the number of screens available. Half the screens equals half the choice.

Popularity for 3d screenings soared and the “real” movies were relegated to the smaller screens. At this point things are going downhill but still ok. I still have enough choice and the smaller “2d” screens were mercifully clear of the cinema yobs who so often hamper your enjoyment.

Then the novelty wears off and the public start to realise that the proper place for 3d is in a theme park. 3d attendances plummet. But hang on a minute, Cineworld has invested a princely sum in their digital projectors and need to recoup the money somehow. How about we put 3d films in eight or nine screens and give the regulars even less to choose from.

Yeah, well how about we film enthusiasts sell out your tiny screens and leave the main ones empty. What will you do then Cineworld? What will you do?

Well, what they did was to show only the 3D version on the first week of release. If you wanted 2D you had to wait a week or even two (An extra two-week wait for Avengers – Torture).  Sometimes a new film would do so badly in its first week that it wouldn’t get a second week. No second week, no 2d. This has led to me not seeing several films recently including, Total Recall, Fright Night and Dredd (which I finally caught on Blu Ray – excellent).

So I say this to you Cineworld. The audiences are voting with their wallets and are choosing the 2d version over the 3d.  Just think on this; the average person in the UK goes to the cinema twice a year. That means that for every person like me, there are twenty or so who don’t go at all. If you drive away us regular cinemagoers your attendances will all but disappear. Give us a reasonable choice of film, in a pleasant atmosphere and we’ll keep on turning up.

If you show them, we will come.